Would You Be So Kind (Falsettos)
by RevolutionaryWarlock
Summary: This is a Falsettos fic but there ain't a Falsettos category and I don't understand this website so. Mendel sucks at woodshop but Whizzer has a plan. It will make sense later.
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** i havent posted anything on here in decades because i've been using Ao3 whoops. All I'll post on here anymore will probably be major fics that will all probably be falsettos like this one. More one shots + everything on here on Ao3. Yup.

* * *

Mendel sat on his stool in shop class, staring at a lump that probably should have been a birdhouse. It was not a birdhouse. It was strictly inhabitable for any living species. Unless it was a species that was made to die. So in theory, it was entirely habitable. Because everything died. The Circle of Life. Aaaaa sabemnyaaaaaaa….

Mendel groaned and rubbed his eyes. He always got philosophical when he was sad and tired.

He was pretty much always philosophical.

It was 2:15 on a Friday afternoon and Mendel's birdhouse was not getting any better, so he obeyed the call of his eye bags and collapsed down on his table, prepared to nap through the rest of the hour.

His nap was rudely interrupted by some unmistakable footsteps. _Ugh. Shit._

"Mhsthr."

"What was that?"

Unwillingly, Mendel set his chin on his arms and faced the pink nightmare before him. "Whizzer."

"Yes, 'tis I, your gay woodshop fairy."

"Thank god, I thought I was going to have to sweep up the splinters and shavings instead of going to the ball. What do you actually want? I have very important matters to attend to." Lazily, Mendel gestured to the table and folded his hands beneath his head as a makeshift pillow.

"I see you are very busy."

"Yup."

"Would you be just as busy if I told you that I had a proposition?"

Mendel took a moment to consider this. Between micro-sleeps, he managed to give Whizzer a pointed look and reply. "Yeah, probably."

Sighing, Whizzer lowered himself to Mendel's eye level, propping his face up in his hands. "Look. I know some things."

"Really?"

The venom in Whizzer's eye roll would have made Mendel cringe if he had been in a clearer state of consciousness. "This is serious, sweater-vest boy. Shut up for one moment in your sheltered life. I know that you like Trina. That you _like-like_ her."

Mendel was awake now. "Trina? Who's that? I don't know a Trina, what are you talking about? Ha, ha, you must be joking."

"Don't be an idiot. You like Trina. And I like Marvin. Two halves of a power couple that together, we have the strength to rip apart."

"This is getting remarkably violent and I don't know if I'm okay with that." Mendel stood, preparing to get the heck out of this conversation, but Whizzer grabbed him before he could make his escape. Whizzer had a strong grip. Mendel sat down.

"Grow a pair. Do you want to canoodle with the buttons to your sweater or not? I already have a plan. I just need you to… be present, basically, and it will all work out. Everyone's happy. You go where I tell you to go, and it will work out. I'll even give you my clock. You can maintain your GPA and still get your eighth hour snooze in."

Mendel paused for a moment. "We were making clocks?"

"Oh. My god. Are you actually for real? I'll even give you an Old Navy gift card if you listen to me for two more minutes. I just need you to sign up to sell concessions with Trina during the Homecoming game on Friday. That's literally it. Can you do it?"

"Why would I-"

"I already signed you up, so you're doing it. Well, technically someone was signed up before, but I erased them. Do you have transportation or do I need to drive you, too?"

"Uh, no. No, I can drive."

"Good, I was worried." Mendel only realized that Whizzer had been gripping his shoulders the whole time when he finally let go and patted him on the back. "Good talk. I'll see you around."

Mendel still was having difficulties processing what just happened. He didn't have time to reply.

Sometime after Mendel fell asleep, but before class ended, his phone buzzed. It was Whizzer. _Get your girl,_ he'd said.

Mendel didn't even know how Whizzer had gotten his number, and at this point, he didn't want to. He took another four minute nap before the bell rang, and threw his lump in the trash before he went to his locker.

He was partially convinced he had dreamed the whole thing with Whizzer, but then he looked at his phone and saw the text. _Shit. This is a thing._

But maybe he'd actually get a date out of it.

It was worth a shot.


	2. Chapter 2

Friday arrived. Mendel was no less confused with Whizzer's plan, or whatever. He was also very nervous. It was a poor state of mind to have when he would be dealing with hungry teenagers and sports parents all night. But he would be with Trina, at least. That was _something._

But it wouldn't be much if Whizzer blew up the stadium, or whatever he was going to do. Mendel was just a bit worried.

The concessions stand was outside, which was unfortunate, because the sky was a soggy sneeze away from down pouring on them. At least there was a roof, even if it did leak in all four corners. Mendel hoped everyone liked soggy hotdogs.

Mendel was the first one there, which was surprising. He would have put money on it that Trina would have beat him; she was the most punctual person Mendel had ever encountered. But alas, he was five minutes early, alone, and dripping.

Thankfully, the assistant coach soon came and unlocked the stand for him, with some comforting parting words: "You don't have to worry about counting the buns; we know the squirrels have been getting to 'em."

"Oh, okay."

Right then and there Mendel decided that he was never eating school concessions again. He said as much to Trina when she got there. In fact, those were his first words to her.

"It took you this long?" She asked him in reply as she tossed back her hood. _Oh, crap._ Mendel then remembered how pretty Trina was. Four hours alone with her. He didn't know if he would make it out alive.

"Uh, we have to count everything first. There's a checklist here. I already started the candy."

"So you left me the hotdogs and pretzels? Ugh."

"You don't have to worry about the buns. There's a squirrel thing."

"Is that why you're never eating school concessions again?"

"Yep."

Trina nodded thoughtfully. "I found out the nacho chips are from 2005, that's when I called it quits.

"No!"

"Check the bag."

"I don't know if I want to do that."

"Suit yourself. Live in ignorance of the true horrors of the world."

They went and counted their respective foods, if you could call them that. Though he was much calmer than when he arrived, Mendel still had no idea how this was going to work out, how Whizzer could guarantee that he would get together with Trina tonight. Whizzer wasn't even going to see him; he'd be too busy at the game. Sure, he'd probably sit on the bench the whole time, but he'd be out there, and so would Marvin, and Mendel and Trina would be…

Oh wait. Maybe that was the plan. Just to split them up.

If that was it, Mendel had to admit it kind of sucked.

He sighed. He was already there. Even if nothing happened, he'd gotten to spend a night with Trina. And he'd get his shop project done for him.

The only thing he really lost was another lonely Friday night to himself.

"Alright, you ready to open up?" Trina startled Mendel out of his daze. He looked down at the pile of Skittles before him, and realized he had counted two of them.

"Uh, not exactly."

Surprisingly, Trina laughed. "Zoning out again?"

"Excuse me?"

"I see you napping in AP Pysch all the time."

"Well, I mean, it's not like it's that hard of a class."

"Says you! You win Kahoot every time."

Mendel shrugged. "My mom's a psychologist. I know some things already, and then it's just reading the textbook."

"You actually _read the textbook_?"

"Well, yeah. Then I can get in my mid-morning nap during class."

Trina laughed again. Mendel was melting a little bit, and not just from the rain that still clung in his hair and sweater.

Trina helped him count the rest of the candy without complaining. When they were done, she moved over to the counter, ready to open the window. "Ready?"

Mendel nodded. Trina opened the door, and no one was there.

"Well. That was underwhelming."

Trina smiled mid-yawn. "Yeah. It's a bit of a letdown."

"Maybe the squirrel thing got out."

"Or maybe out student body isn't as dumb as I thought and they actually know what crap this stuff is. Oh, shit. I better put some hotdogs in." She did just that, heating up the little skillet. Mendel stayed at the counter, staring out at the people milling to their seats in the stands, and not coming over to buy food.

"Do we even get anything out of doing this?" Mendel asked. "Like, do we get a discount for a pencil at the school store or something?"

"Tragically, no," Trina told him as she wrestled open a bag of hotdogs. Only a quick save on her part kept them from flying out of the package. "I think it's supposed to help us raise money for prom."

"But we already had our prom."

"Yeah, then they're probably just taking advantage of the fact that nobody does their volunteer hours before senior year, and this way they get to keep all the money."

"Greedy bastards."

"You said it."

As it got closer to game time, there was a steady stream of people wanting microwaved pretzels and hot dogs in their squirrel-nibbled buns. Trina and Mendel kept busy, barely a word between them except when they bumped into each other while reaching for the fruit snacks. Mendel was pretty sure he had at least second degree burns from handling the pretzels with the thin plastic gloves they'd been proved. And then he almost got punched after short-changing some buff sophomore. Trina saved him by quickly handing off a dollar and pulling Mendel away, as he was frozen. They were already in the second quarter when things finally calmed down.

 _Almost half over_ , Mendel thought, imagining collapsing on his bed and sleeping until Sunday.

But then again, the game was almost half over, and nothing had happened with him and Trina. Well, figures. She did have a boyfriend. And there wasn't much Mendel could do about that. He was dumb to trust Whizzer's plan, gullible to think he'd actually get anywhere with Trina. Even if, he did admit, it had been pretty fun so far. Albeit almost dying from hangry teenagers exacting violence over poorly prepared snack foods.

Mendel's phone buzzed, and as he was only pondering his current existence, took it out of his pocket.

"Oh, shit." Maybe Trina didn't have a boyfriend anymore.

The picture was from an unknown number, and it was a bit blurry, but it was unmistakably Whizzer and Marvin. More precisely, it was Marvin shoving Whizzer against some lockers and kissing him. Rather intensely. Definitely not an accident. Definitely Whizzer's plan.

"What's that?" Trina said, coming to glance over Mendel's shoulder. Before she could, her own phone buzzed.

Mendel was too slow. He only realize what was happening, what all of this would do, when Trina already had her phone out. He spun around, starting to reach out to slap it out of her hands, whatever it took, when she covered her mouth and made a noise somewhere between a shriek, a sob, and a whining cat.

Mendel's arms fell to his side. The whole room seemed to be frozen, the air dampening to the point where they could no longer hear the shouting and buzzers from the game outside. Trina stared at her phone and Mendel stared at her, having never felt so helpless. Sure, he wanted to go out with Trina. But to break her heart in order to do it? Of course not.

"Trina, I – " he started to apologize, to attempt to comfort her, he didn't know. She held a hand out, the one that had been covering her mouth, to stop him. He obeyed.

She looked at the picture for only a moment or two longer, than quickly shut off her phone and shoved it into her back pocket. With a rough swipe and shaking hands, she dried her face of the tears that Mendel hadn't seen appear. Her jaw was shaking; it was obvious those weren't the last of the tears. She tried to pretend they were and spun around to grab her bag and her jacket.

"Well, I think I'm going to head out – "

"No! I mean, let me drive you home. You shouldn't… uh, be alone."

Trina was still trying to act nonchalant, but she sniffled before answering and gave no protest, though she barely knew Mendel and she was on the verge of an emotional breakdown.

"Okay. I came with M-Marvin, anyway. But who will close the stand?" She added after a moment.

"Fuck it. Just unplug the hotdogs."

Trina did. Mendel grabbed his keys, and they ran to Mendel's shitty Saturn as fast as they could.

It had started raining again. Trina must have thought that that would be a good cover to let the rest of her tears fall. Mendel could still hear her sobs, and her hood kept her from getting any of the rain on her face, but he didn't say anything.

What was there to say?


End file.
